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Just For
Today! - By Chadler C.
Name:
Chadler C.
Home fellowship: NA
Clean date/DOS: February 4, 1997
Date submitted: May 11, 2001
My name is Chadler and I am an addict. I first had an idea that I had a drug problem right before my sixteenth birthday. I had decided to quit using (again), and was getting high "one last time" one more time. That high resulted in a PCP psychosis that lasted for about two months. The doc told me that if I ever used ANYTHING again that it could cause flash-backs and a possible return to my psycotic state. I hadn't been exposed to NA at that time (nor did I believe I was an addict), but fear and stubbornness kept me clean for just over 3 years. When I began using again it was a slow progression, until, one day I realized I had a problem and asked a co-worker to take me to one of his NA meetings. I was now 24 years old. I didn't have any intention of quitting anything but the "street drugs" at the time. When I went to that first meeting it pissed me off when I heard things like "alcohol is a drug" and "we are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover." I knew that meant my over-the-counter mini-thins and kava powder as well. I didn't believe I was an addict, but I introduced myself as one so I could share. I bawled my ass off when I did share that night. I was resentful when they told me they were my family and said "welcome home". I found this all rather presumptuous, but I had nowhere to turn, so I decided to give it a try. As I stood at my sink the next day with my last beer in hand, readying myself to pour it out, it occurred to me that I did not know the last time I used exactly. A voice inside my head said "You know, if you drink that beer you will know your clean date." At that moment another voice that I like to think came from outside my head said "You know if you do, it won't be your last." I poured the beer down the drain. I believe it was later that day that I began to think about how impossible it was for me to never use again. I AT LEAST had to have alcohol! As I pondered this I looked at my newcomer chip which said the words "Just For Today", and it sunk in. At that moment I had NO intenttion of quitting forever. I knew I could use tommorow if I wanted to, but I could live the program today. (I meant this quite literally.) Somewhere along the line my thinking changed from "Just for today I never get to use again" to "Just for today I never have to use again." I still don't know my clean date, but I use February 4, 1997 because that is the day I walked into my home group for the first time: The Tuesday Night We Care Group Of Narcotics Anonymous in Springville, Utah. Those words: "Just For Today" saved my life, and I now have them tatooed across my chest in bold letters. Today makes 1,557 Just For Todays. Thank God for NA, and thank NA for GOD!